


My flashlight (getting me through my night)

by iwriteaboutthegays



Category: Pitch Perfect
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, Angst, Cheating, Conflicting Feelings, Denial of Feelings, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, First Time, One Night Stand, PP2 rewrite, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, depression tw, mild eating disorder tw, relatively story compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:07:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21776494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwriteaboutthegays/pseuds/iwriteaboutthegays
Summary: {PP 2 rewrite}Beca Mitchell is convinced the universe hates her; her boyfriend, the one she’d been with since freshman year has left her, she has an exhausting internship, (one that is frankly a waste of her time,) and a million secrets she’s hiding from the Bellas, her family.Oh, and she slept with the new legacy.
Relationships: Beca Mitchell/Jesse Swanson, Emily Junk/Beca Mitchell
Comments: 10
Kudos: 46





	1. Prologue

If Beca could go back in time, three years precisely, and tell her freshman self, the one with the big, scared eyes that this would be how her senior year was kicking off? She’s certain that nineteen year old Beca would’ve laughed in her face; probably call her a loser or something of the sort while she was at it. The worst part about the exchange would be that Beca would tiredly agree with the younger girl. She was a loser; fuck was she a loser.

Her relationship with Jesse, which she assumed would be her first and last of college was over when Beca started making less and less effort to see him due to her internship; she’d started it in June, and now? Now she barely saw the young man. He tried everything, was still trying everything to better their relationship; to understand Beca and her unpredictable ways. One day she’d be overjoyed to see him, then she wouldn’t contact him, even text or snap him for two weeks; and then text him on a Tuesday afternoon as if nothing was wrong.

The brunette knew how much the whole thing, her whole thing, took a tole on him. It would anyone, especially if they were entering their senior year of college trying to figure out what they wanted to do with their life. It made Beca want to hug him tightly, cry into his shoulder and make it all better somehow, just be a good fucking girlfriend for once, and actually be there for Jesse. The fact that she could made it all the more painful.

Beca could call him and talk to him for hours, apologize tearily for everything, promise she’d change. Jesse would accept her apology with open arms, she knew he would, he was so predictable and easy going. He’d cry with her, and they’d agree to start fresh, better their relationship and forget the past. Beca would make time to see him a few days a week, even if it was just eating leftover pizza and watching a 80’s horror movie. She’d stop drinking so much, start eating more than three hundred calories a day. Become the woman he wanted so badly; the woman she used to be(or at least they both thought she used to be.) Beca could take all his pain away, make it all better for him. Beca pondered often for this very reason why she didn’t. The answer was always a bit more painful each time she came to it after a long day at the studio, sitting on her bed watching some dumb cooking show at four in the morning.

She didn’t want to make it better though; she didn’t want to make anything better. She knew damn well how selfish it was; how selfish she was, but it didn’t matter, not to her anyways. Nothing did for that matter, nothing in her young, wasteful life mattered.

Beca wasn’t stupid, she knew she had talent, she knew there weren’t many people who could make the demos that she could with the detail she used. She was more than aware of this, yet she did absolutely nothing about it. She worked at a record label, sure; she made coffees and caramel lattes and occasionally made copies, all for people who were around her age with just as much talent. The only difference between her and them was they did something with themselves, made an effort to become something people wouldn’t forget in five years. Beca doubted even Barden University would recall her name in five years with the way her life was going.

It was the day before classes resumed that she got a lengthy text from Jesse, one that had at least four paragraphs in it. Beca considered it the length of a middle school essay when she read it again; to distract herself from the freezing, sharp pit in her stomach. She never did work up the courage to read the whole thing; as her eyes flew to the last few sentences immediately.

‘ _Because of these things, we need a break. You know I love you, Beca, I always have and I always will; but I can’t do this with you right now. I hope you understand and take some time to figure yourself out and find whatever it is you need to. Best wishes, Jesse.’_

The girl cried for the first time in six months that night, starting into the bathroom mirror; a broken girl staring back, terrified for herself. She’d become so good at predicting Jesse, so dry and cold with him, and now he was gone. She knew the amount of pain she’d caused him must’ve been great, greater than she’d ever imagined if it had caused him to uproot himself, change his routine. She’d never seen the man do that. Then again, she deserved it.

It was just the next night she stumbled into the Treblemaker’s party, already drunk off of the tequila she’d bought earlier that week. She raced to the table with what she presumed was jungle juice, pouring herself a cup as she took sips, trying her best to at least look professional.

She spotted Jesse talking to a younger boy, which she guessed was a freshman, the boy’s eyes wide with admiration for the man. It seemed her ex-boyfriend was encouraging him, a warm hand on his shoulder as the boy watched him closely, nodding with every word Jesse spoke.

She saw the two turn they heads to look behind Jesse, the boy nodding to a girl who looked embarrassingly out of place at a college party.

The girl had light brown hair that was slightly curled, just enough so it framed her face in a flattering way, deep brown eyes that seemed to dart around in nervousness every given second. To put it mildly, she had an amazing body, her torso long and thin, but healthy looking, with defined shoulders peeking out from her tight tank top. She had a small, delicate looking nose with larger lips, ones that Beca found incredibly soft looking, covered in a thin layer of lip gloss, her tan seeming to make her skin glow. She was beautiful, and making Beca not make any mistakes the first day of classes incredibly difficult.

Before she knew what she was really doing, she found herself strolling over to the girl, keeping her eyes locked on her in astonishment. The girl looked up in surprise as she approached, and Beca’s skin burned when she saw the girl’s big brown eyes look her up and down, her eyes widening just the slightest bit. Before she could even think about it, Beca’s mouth was moving.

“So, you’re reminding me a lot of the princess who gets lost in the woods in literally every Disney movie. Pretty, obviously new to this area, confused.” Beca paused, tilting her head at the girl. “Do you talk to animals too?”

The girl blinked at Beca for a few moments, her face gaining a pinkish hue before a smile spread on her lips. “Oh, and does that make you the prince that’s gonna swoop in and save me?”

Beca grinned at the girl’s quick response, biting her lip. “Maybe, if you’re lucky. What’s your name, princess?”

“Emily.” The girl answered, batting her eyelashes at her.

Beca smirked, nodding her head. “Pretty name.” Her gaze darted between the girl’s lips and eyes as Emily’s blush darkened.

“And what may my prince charming’s name be?” Emily asked, batting her eyelashes.

“Beca.” She paused, the jungle juice beginning to make her feel light with confidence. “Any chance you wanna go somewhere a bit more quiet?”

Beca’s heart sings as Emily nods enthusiastically, a smirk on her face. Beca takes her hand and leads her to the Treblemaker’s building.

~~

“You okay?” Beca whispered breathily against the brunette- the one that she’d already forgotten the name of; Becky? Allie? Lauren, maybe? The girl was too drunk off of poorly made jungle juice to really remember any details. Beca dismisses the thought as she tilted her head skeptically; pulling away and watching the other girl catch her breath.

“Yeah, I’m fine- I’ve just...” The brunette paused, blinking at Beca with large brown eyes. “I’ve never done this before.” She finished with a gulp, distractingly herself by brushing her fingers against the skin of Beca’s elbow.

Beca’s body stilled against the girl’s, and she sat up suddenly, straddling her as she shot her a sympathetic look. “Shit dude, I didn’t know that. I totally get if you wanna stop.” Beca gazed down at the girl, and noticed her eyes searching her own, almost desperately. The Bella would never admit it, but it made her stomach warm with something- though she couldn’t put her finger on it, or perhaps she was a bit scared to; though that was a realization for another drunken night.

The girl under her interrupted her thoughts, tangling her long fingers in Beca’s rustled hair, pulling her closer, their lips nearly brushing. Beca felt her face heat at the sudden gesture, and she bit her lip as her gaze darted between the younger girl’s eyes and lips.

“No, I wanna keep going. I want to start my college experience off with a bang.” She chucked, pulling the girl above her to connect their lips. Beca sighed into the other girl’s mouth, tilting her head to quickly deepen the kiss. Just as the kiss heated up more and more, and Beca’s tongue was brushing the brunette’s, the girl let out a quiet moan. The girl shifted her though suddenly so it brushed right up between Beca’s legs, and the bella let out a silent gasp at the sensation. Beca breathed harshly into the girl’s mouth, returning the action rougher than the previous. The brunette under her hummed, her breaths quickening as she spread her long legs, allowing Beca’s torso to slip between her thighs.

“You’re-“ The girl gasped, pulling away for a moment to catch her breath, stiffening in surprise at the sensation of lips latching onto her upper neck. “You’re really good-“ She paused again, her breath hitching as Beca sucked on her collarbone; “At this, I mean.” She breathed out the last part, bucking her hips into Beca’s.

Beca chuckled softly, and smiled into the girl’s neck, being able to hear the girl’s speeding heart for a moment. “You’re not so bad yourself.” She whispered, her lips moving against the younger girl’s collarbone with every word she spoke. “Um also,” She continued, shifting so her knee was brushing harshly against the girl’s clit; smirking at she felt the girl gasp. “What was your name again?” She asked, sucking on the girl’s neck once again.

“Emily.” The girl whispered breathily, arching her back as Beca grinded her knee again. Beca replayed the name again and again in her mind. **Emily. Emily. Emily.**

Emily sighed as the brunette softly bit her collarbone, soothing the red mark with her tongue.

“Mhm, gotcha.” Beca murmured, her mouth seeming to move lower and lower each given moment. The brunette ran her hands up Emily’s hips for a moment, breaking the contact to quickly remove Emily’s tight fitting tank top. With that Beca sucked harshly on the exposed area of the other girl’s breast as Emily’s hums and breathy moans got louder and louder.

Before either of them knew it, Beca’s head was between Emily’s thighs, her nails digging into her soft legs as Emily’s hands gripped the blankets on the bed, gasping with each swift movement of Beca’s tongue.

It seemed far too quickly that Emily gasped out Beca’s name, the younger girl’s body beginning to relax mere moments after, and Beca felt disappointment as the grip Emily’s thighs had begun to hold on the girl’s head loosened. The bella pulled away, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as the other girl caught her breath.

“Now that,” Emily started, speaking between breaths while gazing up at Beca; “That was amazing.” The younger girl’s face flushed a lovely pink as she gazed at Beca shyly. “You’re amazing.”

Beca smiled at that, her head still buzzing; most likely a combination of the alcohol and her recent actions with Emily. “So are you.”

The two smiled softly at each other, sweat glistening on their foreheads in the darkened bedroom.

~~

Beca blinked her eyes open, the bright sun seeming to blind her momentarily as she sat up. Her eyes darted around the room, confused as she peered at the blue walls, and Treblemaker flags that were nearly falling off the bureau. Her ears rung as her head pounded, the memories from the night before beginning to drift back to her brain. She reached for her phone, turning it on and wincing at the brightness of the small screen. She froze as she read the time; 2:41 pm. She’d slept the entire day away?!

She felt panic weigh her stomach down as she remembered her classes, which a majority had been around morning time; not to mention the bellas- Chloe has been clear about making this year commitment orientated. The red head was going to rip Beca a new one for this, she was sure of it.

She paused as she spotted a piece of paper on the bedside table across from her, folded in half. The brunette grabbed it, unwrapping it to reveal it was a light pink sticky note shaped as a heart. The girl couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

“Did a middle schooler leave this or something?” She grumbled to herself, her gaze eventually focusing on the words written in delicate cursive on the sticky note.

‘ _Beca, I don’t know if you’ll remember me or not- you were pretty drunk last night, but I wanted to thank you for an amazing time! Like I said, that was my first time and you made it perfect in your own way, so thanks :)_

_P.S. , Here’s my number, text me sometime maybe we can get a coffee or something!_

_387-546-1899_

_\- Emily <3’_

Beca read the note again and again, clenching the paper in her fingers. She’d fucked a freshman. A naive, scared, and easily attached freshman. How stupid could she be?

Guilt stabbed at her gut as she’d mind leapt to Jesse; the two hadn’t even been broken up for a week, and she’d already slept with someone. She really was an asshole.

Beca snatched her phone, shoving it into her pocket as she got to her feet and made an exit, slamming the door behind her.

As she fled downstairs, she ignored the whoops of the freshman Treblemaker’s, the boys cupping their hands over their mouths and shouting at the girl. Once she left the building, she headed for the coffee shop, barely able to walk straight.

It wasn’t for another thirty minutes that Beca arrived at the Bellas’ house, opening the door to see Fat Amy, Flo and Stacie lounging on the couch, reading what the brunette presumed to be hate mail from the people of the world geared at the Bellas.

“Catch this one, it just says “Die singing sluts.” How rude.” Fat Amy shook her head, crumpling up the paper into a ball and tossing it across the room.

Beca cleared her throat, causing the three to look up in surprise. She gave them a nervous smirk, tilting her head. “How mad is Chloe?”

Stacie hesitated, a pitiful look crossing her face. “She might kill you if you’re lucky.”

Beca sighed, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. “If I talk to her in front of you guys maybe she’ll be a bit nicer.” She looked up suddenly, her gaze warming in hope. “She texted me last night something about a legacy joining. Is she here? Chloe will restrain herself if there’s a scared freshman to care for.”

Flo nodded, and Fat Amy pointed behind Beca, causing the brunette to turn around. "Speak of the devil and she shall appear;" The blonde hesitated, clicking her tongue. "With her giraffe legs."

As the girl of conversation walked in timidly, and her big brown eyes met Beca's, the older girl froze, her stomach dropping. No way. No fucking way. The universe didn't hate her that much. As Beca stared, open mouthed, the girl facing her harbored a similar shocked expression.

It was her, Emily, from the night before. She'd had her head between the newest Bella's legs not even twenty four hours ago. The universe really did hate her that much, then.


	2. water (raging) under the bridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily had been sure her first day would be relatively normal. Boy, was she wrong. She’d thought she’d at least get over her feelings quick. Wrong again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took forever, I’m hoping to update quicker next time :)

Emily’s goal for the first half of her freshman year had been to blend in; not to the point of indifference to others of course, but just enough to be accepted, approved. That’s one thing Emily never really has accomplished at her past schools. The worst part had to be that being noticeably tall was the last thing that caused her to stick out like a sore thumb.

Of course now, Emily would stick out more than ever, she figured as she stared at the horrified girl in front of her. Last night, she’d slept with a girl, Beca, who she’d assumed if anything, was maybe an english major or something; the girl had seemed so good with her words, like a poet. Emily hadn’t expected her to be a Barden Bella.

As she searched the other girl’s face, looking for just a hint of reassurance that she wasn’t about to completely out her to her new sisters. Beca simply stared back, her eyes wide and her mouth partly open.

Amy, or Fat Amy as the blonde had told Emily to call her cleared her throat, ripping the brunette out of her panicky thoughts. “Jeez Mitchell, I know she’s Katherine Junk’s daughter but she’s not a damn celebrity! Call yourself.” The blonde’s gaze darted between the two, an amused look in her eyes.

Amy’s comment seemed to snap Beca out of whatever she’d been thinking, the girl blinking at Amy and smirking. “Nah, she’s just really tall, dude.” The brunette’s gaze fell on Emily again, and the girl felt the butterflies in her stomach flutter. “Do you model or something?” She asked, crossing her arms casually.

Emily felt a rush of relief at not being outed, accompanied by a twinge of disappointment at the brunette’s refusal to recognize her publicly. Obviously she’d remembered her, hence the mortified expression a few minutes ago.

Beca cleared her throat, bringing Emily back to reality and reminding the girl she had in fact asked her a question. “You okay, dude? You seem out of it...”

Emily blinked, nodding at the brunette. “Yeah! Well, um no actually. And yes.” She cursed herself out internally at her awkward response as Beca gave her a confused look.

“Um, okay?” Beca answered, tilting her head in confusion and amusement.

Emily bit her lip nervously, her face flushing as she noticed how Amy’s gaze was darting suspiciously between the two of them. “Something,” she started, her hand gesturing between the two brunettes, “Is going on here.”

Stacie nodded excitedly, her head perched in her hands. “Definitely. Did one of you fuck the other’s boyfriend? Or each other?” The girl hesitated for a moment, before lifting a finger in conclusion. “Or both!”

Emily’s face seemed to take on a beet red color as Beca face palmed, shaking her head. “Yeah, Stace. We fucked each other’s boyfriends and decided to have at it after.” She said sarcastically, watching Stacie giggle.

Amy simply sighed dramatically, shaking her head. “I’m gonna get to the bottom of this. I don’t like mysteries, too much effort.”

Beca rolled her eyes at her friend, throwing her hands up in the air. “Amy, nothing’s going on trust me. You’d be the first to know. You’re my roommate after all.”

Amy nodded, her eyes still narrowed. “Well, maybe legacy knows something we don’t. I’m getting secretive vibes.”

Emily blinked at the blonde, watching as the girl openly talked bad about her to her face. Beca seemed to pick up on the brunette’s discomfort, giving Amy a pointed look. “She’s also ten feet away from you.”

The three were interrupted by Chloe storming in, a hand firmly on her hip. She glared daggers at Beca, tapping her foot vigorously. “Beca Mitchell, do you have any idea what time it is?” She asked in a mockingly sweet tone, watching as Beca checked her phone.

“Let’s see,” Beca started, turning on her phone. “It is now- 3:02 pm.” The brunette nodded in self approval and slid her phone back into her pocket, and Emily felt the corners of her mouth turn up slightly at the girl’s attitude towards her captain.

“Let’s have a chat, hm?” Chloe asked, or ordered, Emily assumed, grabbing Beca’s hand and dragging her into the other room. The brunette watched them go, and turned to Amy, Stacie and Flo who were still on the couch.

“Let this be a learning curve, legacy, don’t ever take Chloe for a joke.” Stacie chuckled, shaking her head at the two. Flo nodded as Amy scoffed.

“True, she’ll rip you a new asshole if you show up five minutes late.” Amy added, her eyes widening for dramatic effect.

Emily nodded along, laughing at the three girls. Suddenly, Stacie leaned forwards excitedly, her eyes shining. “Okay, now that she’s gone; what the hell’s going on with you and Beca? Did you sleep with Jesse?”

Emily paused, worry filling her chest. “Jesse? Who’s Jesse?”

Stacie bit her lip, wagging her eyebrows. “Her boyfriend.” She paused before gasping. “Did he tell you they broke up? Oh my god that weasel!”

Emily’s stomach dropped as her cheeks flushed with shame. Boyfriend. Beca had a boyfriend. She’d gotten eaten out by a girl who had a boyfriend. Hurt filled her chest, chilling her to the bone. She must’ve really just been a drunken mistake then.

“I- no. I’ve never met him.” She answered, smiling politely at the older girl.

Stacie cocked her head, pursing her lips. “What’s the deal then? Why were you two looking at each other like y’all had eyes for noses or something?” Stacie snickered at her own joke as the brunette winced.

“I guess I just found her intimidating...you don’t think I hurt her feelings, do you? I didn’t mean to stare...” Emily lied, making sure to add too much detail.

Stacie nodded, her eyes still shining with suspicion. “She can be intimidating, but she’s fine, I promise. She’s our Becs.”

Emily’s heart flutters at the nickname, and she can’t help but imagine her calling Beca “Becs” one day. She forces the thoughts down when she feels a small smile grace her face, which Stacie takes notice to. The girl narrows her eyes, but doesn’t say anything. Emily thanks any God that’s watching over her.

For the rest of the day, Emily’s roped into a Bellas team bonding day at the house, which consisted the girls all making cookies and watching Dirty Dancing. She’d sat next to Stacie during the movie, Beca sitting in a chair across from the two, and Emily

felt a rush of panic when the desire to sit next to the girl.

To Emily’s dismay, every time she’d catch Beca’s gaze, the brunette would immediately revert it, acting if the girl didn’t exist. The girl felt hurt prick her chest each time Beca’s gaze focused on the floor, or the movie after meeting hers for just a second.

Stacie had elbowed her the seventh time it happened, (yes, she’d been counting,) and given her a raised eyebrow, her gaze darting between the two brunettes in a silent question. Emily simply shrugged, hoping her nonchalance would throw the girl off her scent. To her luck, the blonde didn’t ask anything else or give any strange looks, but simply stared at Beca in suspicion.

Eventually, once one of the more uneventful scenes played on the TV, Emily got up, walking herself to the bathroom. She shut the door behind her, leaning against the cool wood.

Emily sighed, letting her head rest against the door. How was she to survive a whole year with this girl? She didn’t know if she could take Beca, the one who’d been whispering sweet sayings into her ear just last night now acting as if she had some disease. The brunette seemed to avoid her like the plague, plus she watched her constantly, but never interacted, to Emily’s dismay.

Stacie and the other Bellas were a whole other issue on their own. Emily was a terrible liar, how long till she slipped up? What if she looked at Beca one too many times and one of the girls jumped to the conclusion? Beca already seemed horrified to even be in her presence, she couldn’t imagine what the older girl would do if she’d been exposed for fucking her. Maybe she’d even quit the Bellas.

The door swinging open startled the brunette out of her thoughts, her eyes widening when she recognized Beca in the doorway. Emily regained her composure, blinking at the brunette. “Don’t you knock?” She asked, her tone betrayed by the blush deepening on her cheeks.

Beca scoffed, shutting the door quietly as possible behind her. “Don’t you not join the group the chick you slept with?” The brunette hesitated, shaking her head. “Or at least ask first?”

Emily gaped at the girl, having to look down at her. “You never told me you were a Bella!” Emily paused, her voice softening. “Besides, what does it matter? You’re the one that has a boyfriend!” The girl caught her breath, and continued. “Do you hate my guts that much, that you have to ignore me?” The girl didn’t really want to know the answer if it was as harsh as she predicted.

To her surprise, Beca’s eyes softened, just for a second. “Dude, no. I don’t hate you.” The brunette’s face reddened, making Emily smile shyly. “I wouldn’t have- done the things I did with you if I hated you.”

Emily nodded, both the girls’ faces burning as silence overtook them. Emily stared at her feet, shuffling them on the ground as Beca gazed at the wall.

“My boyfriend and I are on a break, at least right now. Trust me, ask any one of the Bellas, they’ll tell you I’d never cheat.”

Emily nodded slowly, watching the girl closely as Beca continued. “And look, you just surprised me, a lot. I just didn’t think I’d see you so soon.” Beca explained, her tone gentle.

“Sorry.” Emily murmured sheepishly, twirling a strand of hair behind her finger. Beca simply shrugged in response.

“Don’t be. It just means we can’t see each other... like that anymore.” Beca managed, her eyes still on the wall as Emily looked up in surprise, and a bit of hurt.

Before Emily even considered it, her lips were moving. “Why not?” What did she say?! The brunette wanted to crawl up in a hole and die at her question. 

Beca’s eyes widened in surprise, the girl hesitating. “It would be pretty fucked. Plus, I have a lot going on right now, I could never ask someone to be- anything to me.” She answered, watching for Emily’s reaction.

Despite the girl’s realistic reasoning, Emily felt disappointment fill her chest. She supposed she hadn’t realized it till now, but the thought of being by the brunette’s side, especially as her girlfriend had made her heart flutter, even if she’d just met her the other night.

“I get it, I guess.” Emily eventually forced out, staring at the ground. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Beca nod.

“I had a good night though, really. And look, I’m sorry if this whole thing seems rude and everything, my life’s just all over the place right now. Don’t take it personally.” The girl shot her a small smile, making Emily’s heart flutter. “I know this is like...terrible timing,” Beca added, biting her lip.“But I have to run. I have a... thing to go to.” Beca shot her an apologetic glance, and as suddenly as she had come in, the girl was gone.

Emily watched her go, any hope of her freshman year being normal thrown out the window.


End file.
